Annick blogs: Bokito
Sometimes life is very strange. Since last Friday EVERYONE is talking about gorillas and the female visitors at zoos. Or does it just seem that way? I dont' know anymore. I have been obsessed with my own film
and it's subject for so long, I don't know what is real and what is not.

So what happened?
Last Friday gorilla Bokito escaped in Rotterdam Zoo. For one hour he roamed around the zoo and he attacked a woman. He has bitten her more than one hundred times and dragged her around. After this, he escaped to the zoo restaurant where he kicked in the door. There the staff locked him up and finally the zoo vet shot him. Ever since Bokito has been worldnews. That is, in Holland.

Now, one must know that the dutch love a bit of international attention.
Only if CNN shows up with its cameras, do the dutch believe something is important. A regular feature in all newsprogramms is: what the foreign newspapers say about us. This is a sign of weakness and insecurity off course, it shows we are a country with low self esteem. But all this is besides the point. I was talking about my own anxities:

My documentary turned into a new reality. The victim is a woman like so many in my film: a person that loves gorillas. And the aggressor Bokito is one of Opitz's bottle fed gorillas. Whenever Opitz and I talked
about special gorillas during one of our four interviews, he always spoke about Bokito, his great love. And I always had to steer him back to the subject of Ivo. And now, THIS happened. My soundrecordist Marco called me last Friday. He heard news of some gorilla escaping in Rotterdam. And I immediately called Opitz in Berlin. He wasn't even called by Rotterdam Zoo yet, so it was a shock to him! Days later I would see Opitz on dutch tv. (What was one of " my" people doing on the news??)

Now for me, all the things I had been thinking about, talking about, obsessing about, for the last two years, I read in the newspapers. Or heared about on the radio and on television. The literature I have read, and the few scientists I tried to speak to, everything and everyone was out in the open.
Does this change my film? Do I have to do all the interviews over again? and ask people other questions? Once again I am stressed out: What stops anyone from making the exact same film as me? I don't know what to do with myself. (This may also have to do with all coffee I have been drinking today. I have had two lattes, but being a total coffee-virgin it doesn't quite calm me down….)

A lot of " what ifs" come to mind: what if Liesbeth and Anneke pull out; or Opitz; or Berlin Zoo; and Barbel; and the people in Munich. And… and…and...
Now that I am writing this down it even sounds more real! Even though my material uis nothing like the easy writings of the press (it is filled with love, beauty and emotion) I feel like my film will be redundant
once it is ready. The hype will be over in a few months, and no one will be interested in the matter.
Fortunately I start editing very soon. Then I can put my mind to something more productive than worry.  
Brrrrrrr. Tuesday 22nd May 2007